The Yoga Incident & Recipe #5- Spiced Tofu with Wilted Spinach and Yogurt

I'm going to start with the recipe and then get to a pretty embarrassing event that recently occurred.
Spiced Tofu with Wilted Spinach and Yogurt- The book says this is a play on Sang Paneer which is a classical Indian dish. The only difference with this recipe is that it exchanges cheese, which is found in the traditional dish, for tofu. I'm not completely sold on the trade off. Tofu is growing on me but I need it cut small and cooked well-done for it to be more palatable. Ms. Boyardee knows how I like it so I was good to go. I'm a sucker for spicy things, and even more of a sucker for spicy things on top of rice. Ms. Boyardee surprised me and had already started this before I got home from work. I came home to onions and garlic roasting away (a smell I may bottle and sell as cologne) and asked what I could do to help. My job, to smash tiny little seeds and spices with a mallet. Cooking is fun AND destructive. You basically cook onions, garlic and tofu, then add all the spices, then wilt spinach ( about 2 lbs) into it, then add Greek yogurt. I wasn't sold on the yogurt at first but after trying it it gave a balance to the spiciness ( pretty much a food critic comment, lets pretend I know what I'm talking about). And yet again Ms. Boyardee made a delicious meal and had a presentation that is doppelganger worthy. Notice me holding the book in the top left. Ms. Boyardee will have a career with food photography and I may move into hand modeling.

Rating:
Ms. B: 9.5/10 She wanted a ten but I told her that's impossible
J: 6.5/10 Yum

The Yoga Incident-So I have been going strong with the old vegetarian efforts. Stifling my stomach at the three pounds of bacon that was made while camping a couple weeks ago, and sticking to a liquid diet when I'm out for beer and wings. Which is just beer, gotta make sacrifices right? So when Ms. Boyardee asked me if I wanted to go to hot yoga with her, her new favourite pass time, I figured it could only add to the healthy streak I'm on and I could probably sweat out a beer or two while I was at it.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with yoga, it is defined as a discipline, which includes breath control, simple meditation, and adoption of specific bodily postures, used for health and relaxation. My current understanding of the class, after taking it, is that it's goal is to humiliate the inflexible. I literally cannot sit on the ground without supporting myself with my hands, I'm that inflexible. Relaxation? Impossible. HOT Yoga is humiliating the inflexible in 30 degree weather and 99.9% humidity. I was sweating in the change room. When we finally got in, Ms. Boyardee instructed me to place my mat down and grab some large wooden brick like things. She then instructed me to take my shirt off because " all the guys do it". Big mistake.

I started off pretty well, breathing deeply, relaxing.....then the class started. Ninety seconds into it my mat was wet and I was dripping sweat everywhere. I felt bad for the person who was renting the mat after me as I assumed no amount of soap could get rid of it.. Three pulled groins later I was attempting a position, which I know can only be called "The Human Pretzel". The instructor stated that if It was difficult to have your elbows on the ground, you can place on block underneath to make it easier for you. Ms. Boyardee did not require blocks. Meanwhile I stole hers and had a Lego fortress built under my arms.  Then came an easy stretch. Lie flat on your back, and bring your knees towards your stomach. Sounds easy enough. All of a sudden, a large LOUD, fart noise comes from underneath my back. The sweat, and mat, in conjunction with my NAKED back's apparent physiological predisposition for making fart noises led to what sounded like a loose rectum to EVERYONE in the class...including Ms. Boyardee. We had to do the stretch three times, I refrained.

Ms. Boyardee turned to me and said " did you hear that?" and I immediately responded with "It was the mat!" and she burst out laughing, I don't think she believed me. The class ended and I spent five minutes trying to convince her that it was my naked back and the mat, which led to her screaming out as the rest of the class walked by " It's OK, everybody farts".

I had to prove myself. When we got home, I took off my shirt, performed the dreaded stretch move, and alas, the back fart emerged once again. However, Ms. Boyardee immediately thought I was ACTUALLY FARTING.....AGAIN. Finally after backfarting like 20 times in a row did she agree that it was my naked back and not a case of flatulence. I have another class tomorrow, I think I'll keep my shirt on.